Anybody up for a good Catch 22?

I have now realized that sometimes life's stories are so completely unbelievable that it seems a Harry Potter book would be more realistic.

As of this time last week, I was riding high with optimism. I had an offer in my hand from Bank #1 to pay off the SMUD lien from hell, give me three weeks to close and get this thing wrapped up. Best of all, I had word from my wonderful Realtor that we would NO LONGER HAVE TO DEAL WITH Bank #1. HALLELUJAH!! I couldn't have been happier if you told me that I had won the biggest jackpot in Lottery history. No exaggeration.

With this news, I grabbed Mr. Shupie and stormed the local home improvement stores, doing price comparisons of all the goodies we would need to buy in the upcoming weeks to make this house a home.

This is about the point in time where the light at the end of the tunnel turned into a train. (Thanks to Liz for the perfect analogy.)

Enter Monday.

As it turns out, Bank #1 allocated the funds to the SELLER rather than the buyer (me). Conveniently enough, the seller IS Bank #1. So, they generously allocated $8500 towards their own closing costs, with nothing allocated to SMUD, nor myself. Apparently what a bank says on the phone and what they put in writing do not have to be the same thing.

So this leaves us where we were about, eh, four weeks ago. Here are our options:

1. I pay the $5k for Schmucko's SMUD lien.

2. I forget about the whole damn thing and spend my saved up down payment funds on therapy to help me get over the whole ordeal.

Wait wait wait, I forgot one thing... I can't pay the SMUD lien. According to FHA guidelines, the buyer cannot pay the seller's lien. So, the lien must be paid, but not by me, but not by Bank #1. Interesting predicament, eh?

For those of you (like me) who are thinking this is too crazy to be true, that there must be a way to get Bank #1 to pay the lien (as they said they would), here are some of the ideas that got shot down:

1. Bank #1 credits me money in closing costs, so I can pay, er, have some stranger pay the lien off. Nope, we would have to put that info on a HUD statement, at which point Bank #2 would say, "HEY! We're only getting $3k (out of the $80k we're owed) and you are crediting the buyer $5k? No way, Bank Jose!"

2. I offer to pay Wells Fargo an additional $1800, which would make them receive the same amount that Bank #1 is paying towards the SMUD lien. Nope, any funds I pay MUST go to Bank #1, not Bank #2 or anyone else.

3. I put in an offer of $5k less than we are paying and take that money to pay the lien. (Er, I mean find someone who is not me to pay the lien. Forgot about that again.) Nope, now that I paid to dollar for a great appraisal, showing that the property already has $15k in equity, the bank isn't going to take any less for the property. More money well spent on my part.

There are many more ideas I could add, but you get the point.

Oh, did I forget that while this is going on, the awesome incentive tax credit is tick, tick, ticking away and (WHOOPS!) expired yesterday.

So, I sucked it up and begged the best mom in the world to pleeeeeeease add another $5k to my ever-growing tab (I believe she has started calling me Norm, from Cheers, at this point.) Thank goodness I was blessed with an awesome mom who would do anything to help me in my time of need. And needless to say, I will be indebted to her until about a week after I'm dead. It'll be worth it, right?

So here I am, about to be another $5k poorer, on the verge of being ready to throw in the towel on this one. I have to recite the "It's a good investment, you'll love being downtown, it will be worth it, you won't really have to go all Cinderella at mom's house for the rest of your life" mantra about ninety seven times a day. But I am starting to believe it. I think.

What's ahead? Welp, it looks as though we are ready to draw documents the beginning of next week, after the holiday. Isn't it funny how sometimes a holiday can fall right at the time you DON'T want it to? Oh well. I guess I will be lazing away this weekend rather than starting my month-long renovation project on my dream shack.

Here's to a week with no speed bumps, a light at the end of the tunnel that does not turn out to be a train, and a couple a brewskis to pass the time in between. Happy 4th of July.