One million thanks

As the four of you that read this probably know already, I GOT THE HOUSE!

Officially officially, it's mine. I have keys, in my hand. After nearly six months of ups, downs, excitement and let downs, we are done! Well, done with the actual purchase. Now the real work begins. But first, I have to give thanks where thanks are due.

First and foremost, I have to thank my mom. Without her, this whole deal would not have been possible. Seriously. After we found out about the five thousand dollar bomb, I thought it was over. But, after seeing how much I was really really dying for the place, my mom came through without blinking an eye. There's something to be said for a mom who cares so much that you are happy that they will put you first. I am one lucky daughter.

Now, there's Shupe who,as we have seen in the last three days especially, has his work cut out for him. He has been here through all the crying jags when Jerky Bank #1 changed their mind, when I thought there was a $30k repair bill coming, and when I just got so tired of waiting I could kill someone. And now that it's ours, he has jumped to get to work, which is the reason why our demo is nearly finished and the first weekend isn't even over.

I have to take the time here to thank my realtor as well. As a family friend, I'm sure he thought, "Hey, I'll help. Sure. How difficult could it be?" Welp, after the events of the last months, I'm sure he regrets that decision. Of course, know he doesn't, but man has it been work. They hourly rate of this deal is probably down to Wal-Mart greeter status. He has put many, many hours into this thing, put up with my occasional grumpy email when it seemed like a new twist was just unbelievable, come to my office at a moment's notice to have me sign something or talk about conditions, and even gone to the house in the scorching heat to make sure repairs were made that were required before I could complete the purchase. And, to top it off, when I walked in my house for the first time, there was a bottle of bubbly, chilling on the floor with glasses and a card with my other key in it. What a way to begin a life at that house. For his efforts, I am truly grateful.

Also, my lender was amazing. This loan could not have gone any rockier, but he was there to make it happen. Once again, the time spent on this thing will not be reasonably compensated due to the extreme length of the transacton. Thank you to Nick, for all of your hard work.

I must also thank my great friends, who have been here through the whole thing, excited for me the whole way through. Even after talking about it for months, they still don't mind when I say, "Guess what is happening with the house today..." I really do have the world's best group of friends.

Now, to the project. It's been barely three days and we are moving right along. Everytime I walk in the door, meet a new neighbor, show friends and family the "before" house or even just have a beer on the front porch, I am as excited as I was the first time. Here's to a great future in my little shack that could.

More on the fun of demo later. Cheers!

Looking for something fun this summer?

So, after nearly six months of waiting, it appears that we might be getting close to wrapping this bad boy up. I type those words with a huge sense of doubt, although I hate to admit it. I have gone from extreme optimism to extreme pessimism when dealing with this house situation, which is not like me. Usually, the glass is DEFINITELY half full and NEVER half empty (unless you're running to get refills, in which case I would LOVE another Ketel on the rocks, thank you).

But here we are. My final loan documents have been drawn, sent to title and now we wait to schedule our appointment to sign away the next thirty years of my life. I am so excited I don't think there are words to express it. I have, over the months (and months, and months), the trials and tribulations, become quite attached to my little shack.

I know, I know, there is A LOT that needs to be done before we can even move in, but even the prospect of having shack keys in my hands gives me jitters. I haven't been more excited to clean up someone else's mess since my brother used to slip me a $5 spot to clean his room (and do his homework- I had to earn my money with Phil). I cannot wait to clear out the old food in the cabinets, the breast pump in the living room, the golf clubs, baby pool, the 800 doorhandles in the garage and the 10 different appliances spread throughout the house, yard, garage and shed. THAT is how much I love this place.

Now this is when I have to let reality sink in a bit.

Shupie and I sat down a couple days ago and wrote a list of who I need to contact (concrete guy, cabinet guy, tile guy, the place where you get huge bins to throw stuff away, A/C service guy, etc.) and what we need to ask (schedule, timeframe, cost, do they take payment in kidneys? etc.).

Now, being a first time homeowner, this is all new to me. Let's just say I am thanking my lucky stars right now that Shupie is the handiest person I know, and his awesome brother is willing to brave the heat and help with the repairs. Sometimes I just sit back and think, man, what would I do without these guys? Answer: live at home until I'm 30. (No, mom, there's nothing wrong with that, of course.)

So, if any of the five of you that read this are looking for something fun to do this summer, feel free to stop by the Discoball Speakeasy and lend a hand. I promise, I will pay in wine and cold beer - TOTALLY worth it.

Oh, wait a minute, I forgot one little detail... Schmucko's SMUD lien... Well, we'll keep it short and just say that I am signing papers BEFORE I find a stranger on the street corner to grab a $5k cashier's check and take it to SMUD. Hey, do you happen to have $5k lying around? Just askin'... Nothing like getting down to the wire, eh?

Wish me luck...

Anybody up for a good Catch 22?

I have now realized that sometimes life's stories are so completely unbelievable that it seems a Harry Potter book would be more realistic.

As of this time last week, I was riding high with optimism. I had an offer in my hand from Bank #1 to pay off the SMUD lien from hell, give me three weeks to close and get this thing wrapped up. Best of all, I had word from my wonderful Realtor that we would NO LONGER HAVE TO DEAL WITH Bank #1. HALLELUJAH!! I couldn't have been happier if you told me that I had won the biggest jackpot in Lottery history. No exaggeration.

With this news, I grabbed Mr. Shupie and stormed the local home improvement stores, doing price comparisons of all the goodies we would need to buy in the upcoming weeks to make this house a home.

This is about the point in time where the light at the end of the tunnel turned into a train. (Thanks to Liz for the perfect analogy.)

Enter Monday.

As it turns out, Bank #1 allocated the funds to the SELLER rather than the buyer (me). Conveniently enough, the seller IS Bank #1. So, they generously allocated $8500 towards their own closing costs, with nothing allocated to SMUD, nor myself. Apparently what a bank says on the phone and what they put in writing do not have to be the same thing.

So this leaves us where we were about, eh, four weeks ago. Here are our options:

1. I pay the $5k for Schmucko's SMUD lien.

2. I forget about the whole damn thing and spend my saved up down payment funds on therapy to help me get over the whole ordeal.

Wait wait wait, I forgot one thing... I can't pay the SMUD lien. According to FHA guidelines, the buyer cannot pay the seller's lien. So, the lien must be paid, but not by me, but not by Bank #1. Interesting predicament, eh?

For those of you (like me) who are thinking this is too crazy to be true, that there must be a way to get Bank #1 to pay the lien (as they said they would), here are some of the ideas that got shot down:

1. Bank #1 credits me money in closing costs, so I can pay, er, have some stranger pay the lien off. Nope, we would have to put that info on a HUD statement, at which point Bank #2 would say, "HEY! We're only getting $3k (out of the $80k we're owed) and you are crediting the buyer $5k? No way, Bank Jose!"

2. I offer to pay Wells Fargo an additional $1800, which would make them receive the same amount that Bank #1 is paying towards the SMUD lien. Nope, any funds I pay MUST go to Bank #1, not Bank #2 or anyone else.

3. I put in an offer of $5k less than we are paying and take that money to pay the lien. (Er, I mean find someone who is not me to pay the lien. Forgot about that again.) Nope, now that I paid to dollar for a great appraisal, showing that the property already has $15k in equity, the bank isn't going to take any less for the property. More money well spent on my part.

There are many more ideas I could add, but you get the point.

Oh, did I forget that while this is going on, the awesome incentive tax credit is tick, tick, ticking away and (WHOOPS!) expired yesterday.

So, I sucked it up and begged the best mom in the world to pleeeeeeease add another $5k to my ever-growing tab (I believe she has started calling me Norm, from Cheers, at this point.) Thank goodness I was blessed with an awesome mom who would do anything to help me in my time of need. And needless to say, I will be indebted to her until about a week after I'm dead. It'll be worth it, right?

So here I am, about to be another $5k poorer, on the verge of being ready to throw in the towel on this one. I have to recite the "It's a good investment, you'll love being downtown, it will be worth it, you won't really have to go all Cinderella at mom's house for the rest of your life" mantra about ninety seven times a day. But I am starting to believe it. I think.

What's ahead? Welp, it looks as though we are ready to draw documents the beginning of next week, after the holiday. Isn't it funny how sometimes a holiday can fall right at the time you DON'T want it to? Oh well. I guess I will be lazing away this weekend rather than starting my month-long renovation project on my dream shack.

Here's to a week with no speed bumps, a light at the end of the tunnel that does not turn out to be a train, and a couple a brewskis to pass the time in between. Happy 4th of July.